#thisiscoercivecontrol

You can share your own experience of coercive control or domestic abuse anonymously here on this site.

This site is inspired by viewers of Open Clasp Theatre Company’s play ‘Rattle Snake’.

It is based on real life stories of women who have faced and survived coercive controlling domestic abuse.

The women had been silenced, not believed or legally gagged. This play gives them a voice.

We want this site to give you a voice.

Share your own experience of coercive control or domestic abuse anonymously here. Your story will stand alongside others.

Scroll down for information about staying safe online and support.

Submit Your Story

Share your story

 
 
 
 
 
Fields marked with * are required.
Your E-mail address won't be published. It's possible that your entry will only be visible in the guestbook after we reviewed it.
5 entries.
Mary
Death Death comes to us all in the end. It can also take many guises. The death of a relative The death of a relationship The death of a friendship It may be through illness ,choice or suddenly with no warning. In the end a death is the finality. They stand and weep into the white handkerchiefs once used to call a truce. They stand over the grave and weep for you . Or watch you slip through velvet curtains. They tears fall ,Their apologies should have come sooner. They are weeping for their mistake. Kindness directed at the feet... Read more
Death

Death comes to us all in the end.
It can also take many guises.
The death of a relative
The death of a relationship
The death of a friendship
It may be through illness ,choice or suddenly with no warning.

In the end a death is the finality.
They stand and weep into the white handkerchiefs once used to call a truce.
They stand over the grave and weep for you .
Or watch you slip through velvet curtains.
They tears fall ,Their apologies should have come sooner.
They are weeping for their mistake.
Kindness directed at the feet of predators.Skulking in the darkness in the dead of night .There is no place to run and no place to hide .
You’ve experienced the madness and the black eyes that appear when the angry monster comes from the rear.
Escape it ,be free ! Do it for your daughter and not for me .


A missed opportunity but now it’s too late.
Too late to call you.
Too late to drop in for five minutes.
Too late to send messages or hug you.
Too late .It’s all just too late.
Value truth,friendship,those who truly loved and cared because one day it will be too late.

Find the person that is you before it’s too late.

“She’s been ok “are the words that ring out but the beast lurks within and you have no doubt .
One wrong move and it’s there in front
Calling out those names again .
You bitch ,cunt !
Walk away now whilst you are able .
Speak the truth lay your cards on the table .

Those black eyes may on you appear as a reminder for you to simply adhere.
Run and don’t walk .As far as you can go .
Don’t look back .Go forward with all that you are able and leave the cards where they belong just lying on the table .
I got sucked in. She saw me coming a mile off. Charmed me, bought me gifts, spoke of a future together. Little did I know about the mental health problems, drinking etc before it was too late and I was in it! Feeling responsible like everything was my responsibility, like everything was my fault. I felt sorry for her, so I overlooked the lies and put it down to ‘what she had been through’ not thinking about what I was going through! Constantly apologising, cancelling my plans, putting my life on hold. But when she was on top form I... Read more
I got sucked in. She saw me coming a mile off. Charmed me, bought me gifts, spoke of a future together. Little did I know about the mental health problems, drinking etc before it was too late and I was in it! Feeling responsible like everything was my responsibility, like everything was my fault. I felt sorry for her, so I overlooked the lies and put it down to ‘what she had been through’ not thinking about what I was going through! Constantly apologising, cancelling my plans, putting my life on hold. But when she was on top form I was disregarded! I didn't matter. If I spoke up I was punished ‘ignored for days, phone calls ignored, no intimacy, nothing!’ But in the next breath I was the only one who understood her! I have never felt so worthless, so unloved! Yet I was called needy. I give all that I could give, I took all that I could take. Yet I was the bad guy. I longed for the moments when she was nice. I loved that person. But it never lasted. I had a constant pain in my gut. Constant fight, or flight. Not knowing what to do for the best. I went back time and time again! I felt like a fool. I feel like a fool. Im still trying to heal
Anon
I was in 2 abusive relationships, the 2nd being coercive on so many levels. I was convinced that I deserved to be treated that way, I defended them, made excuses for them...... Even now, over 15 years since the last one finished there are times that they might as well be alongside me. Sometimes things just run too deep. There are days which is an uphill battle to outrun them but I am determined to not let them win.....
I was in 2 abusive relationships, the 2nd being coercive on so many levels. I was convinced that I deserved to be treated that way, I defended them, made excuses for them......
Even now, over 15 years since the last one finished there are times that they might as well be alongside me. Sometimes things just run too deep.
There are days which is an uphill battle to outrun them but I am determined to not let them win.....
Anon
I have for the past six months tried to help my ex partner who has been in an abusive ,coercive relationship .She has been held prisoner ,battered,verbally abused and stalked all in the past six months .I have witnessed this and tried to help but around a month ago she invited this woman back into her home again . I don’t know what else to do .She doesn’t see the danger she and her daughter are in .It saddens me that she doesn’t feel strong enough to walk away despite all the help she has right beside her .I am... Read more
I have for the past six months tried to help my ex partner who has been in an abusive ,coercive relationship .She has been held prisoner ,battered,verbally abused and stalked all in the past six months .I have witnessed this and tried to help but around a month ago she invited this woman back into her home again .
I don’t know what else to do .She doesn’t see the danger she and her daughter are in .It saddens me that she doesn’t feel strong enough to walk away despite all the help she has right beside her .I am at a loss as to what to do .
This woman has used every manipulative technique she can and displayed behavior that is truly horrific,obsessive and bordering on dangerous.

It’s sad to watch somebody in the clutches of this type of behavior and nothing anyone’s says will work .
Anon
I watched a much loved family member suffer for years as the result of an abusive and controlling relationship. She never recovered. She found the strength to leave him. He continued to use children, police and the community against her. She was left with nothing in the end. She died too young. He made sure she didn’t have guardianship of her son. He continued to be ‘there’ in our small community. In the pub, at the school, in our lives. The trauma she lived with was too great. Services all treated her as if she had a mental illness. She... Read more
I watched a much loved family member suffer for years as the result of an abusive and controlling relationship. She never recovered. She found the strength to leave him. He continued to use children, police and the community against her. She was left with nothing in the end. She died too young. He made sure she didn’t have guardianship of her son. He continued to be ‘there’ in our small community. In the pub, at the school, in our lives. The trauma she lived with was too great. Services all treated her as if she had a mental illness. She was committed. She was set up in sheltered accommodation. She was treated as ‘drunk’ and ‘mad’. She was my friend. The child that survives her carries the trauma of losing a mother, of having no justice and continues to be prey for that man. He has gone on to have 3 more relationships and 3 more children. The community know what he is. How do family members who have watched someone be destroyed like that carry on?

“Working with Open Clasp has been, life changing, empowering and has given me a voice when mine had been taken. I now have hope for the future and a voice and know I am protected for that voice by an amazing company changing the world one play at a time.”

Support

For information on keeping yourself safe online, please visit the Women’s Aid information page.

National Domestic Violence Helpline
24 hour support service for women.
0800 200247

Karma Nirvana
A UK charity that supports victims and survivors of forced marriage and Honour Based Abuse.
0800 5999247

Freephone Rape Crisis England & Wales
Provides support and services for women & girls who’ve experienced sexual violence.
0800 8029999

Galop
LGBT+ anti-violence charity.
o800 9995428

Childline
Free, confidential support service for under 19 year olds.
0800 1111